When people get frustrated with their own body not working properly they may take it out on those around them.

Some important questions.

How does this work?

Are they blaming others for their body not working?

Are they confusing their own body with the body of their children or their partner?

Are they just hitting out blindly, so preoccupied with their own losses and physical problems that they cannot see anyone else?

Do they not care about anyone else now?  If so, will this go on for ever, or is it just part of a temporary grieving process?

Are they so frightened that their illness will drive the family away that they would rather make it happen sooner and feel they had some control over it?

Are they so convinced that their illness/disability makes them bad, wrong, shameful, humiliated that they want to be punished for it, and behaving badly gets them punished?

Do they want to have their  misery in the outside world rather than inside themselves?

Do they feel the only thing to do with their misery is to pass it on to someone else?

Will they stop doing this when they have come to terms with their own losses?

Were they always like this, or is it temporary?

Is it part of the condition or part of a grieving process?

Does it make them unbearable?

Will it change, or will it remain like this for ever?

Does it mean I should leave and take the children, or should we stay and work through it?

Can they / can  I understand and forgive, or not?

Can I/can they learn to behave differently?

Is there a way of preventing some of the bad behaviour?

Can we deal with it with humour and affection?

Does someone else need to get angry?

(If this behaviour is caused by a fear of being abandoned, discussing this and being truthful about it sometimes helps.  ‘I have no intention of leaving you, but there are things you could do which would make me reconsider.  They include putting the children’s lives at risk…..’) for example.


About thetroublewithillness

I've been a counsellor for people with physical illnesses for a long time now, and learnt a lot about what it's like living with your own or someone else's illness. I want to pass some of this on.
This entry was posted in carers, children with ill parents, emotions related to illness, grieving processes, health, identification, illness, talking about feelings, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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